update

Wow.. its been a long time since i've posted. well, for my readers, heres an update. Chris and i broke up May 11th. we had promised that neither of us would date anyone else during the summer to get over it all, but a week later, at a friends party, i found out that he had started dating some other (slutty) chick (not jealousy talking, she was slutty) about 3 days after we beoke up. wow. talk about fast rebound. i slapped him in the face when i found out about it because he LIED to me about it. wouldnt have minded as much had he told me the truth. so, i slapped him and slammed the door as i got out of his car, he sped off and i went inside and drank 8 shots of vodka followed by orange soda in less than thirty minutes. then i puked my guts out off and on for 2 and a half hours, while passing in and out of conciousness.....well, i found out the next day that he had sent me an email with a picture of a broken (attempted to be repaired) heart that he had made on photoshop. according to him it took him almost all night to do, including finding the poem that he found online. so, i was willing to mostly forgive him.but he still had to earn back all of the trust i had for him. he still hasnt fully.
fast forward to early june. i had set up a profile on OKCupid.com. it was quoth_the_ravyn if anyone had gotten on. well, within a week of setting up that profile, i got tons of hits. and met this awesome guy named Casey. he was really sweet and we talked online for about a week. well, after about a week of talking only online, i let him call me, and for a week straight, we sat up and talked all night on the phone. i mean all night. he'd call me at 1030, we didnt get off til 6 or so. well, after about a week of that, we wanted to meet up, so i invited him to a party at my friend's house, where we played apples to apples. he was very polite and such a gentleman. my friends liked him a lot. they said that when i had gone downstairs to talk to my friend's mom, he asked what all he could do to win me over. well, i went upstairs after that, and he wanted to go outside to talk, so i said sure. we went out, and laid on the grass looking up at the stars talking. he gently took my hand in his and asked if it was ok if he could hold my hand. i told him it was, it just felt a bit odd, since i was basically starting the whole dating thing over. he asked me if i would be his girlfriend, and i said that i would have to think about it. a week after that night, we went to the mall on a date, and walked around and talked. a lot. he told me about his friends and i told him about some of my odd friends that he hadnt met that night at nikkis. he asked me again to be his girlfriend, and i still said that id really have to think about it. he looked so disappointed, but hopeful that i would eventually say yes. when we walked out to the car, he asked for a hug. as i let him hold me, i felt as if NOTHING could hurt me. i felt so safe and magical. he asked if i could stay at his house the next night, so after he met my parents, i told them that i was staying at my best friend's and went to his house.
we watched a few movies, and he held me the whole time. after a while of me still being unsure, i let him kiss me for the first time. i liked it. i pretended that i wasnt fully there, cuz i was still nervous, and i didnt want to get his hopes up in case i decided to date one of the other guys i met on okc. but after a bit i kissed him, kinda forcefully...^_^...after our movies, we went to bed, and he held me the ENTIRE night, even covered me when he felt me shiver (i have the habit of kicking the covers off). nothing sexual happened. i would not have let something like that happen, even tho he didnt even hint at it.
well, i went home the next day, and realized how much i liked him, but i was still not ready for a relationship. i went to San Deigo with my family a couple of days later for a week, and as soon as we started flying i realized how much i missed him. i called when we landed to let him know i was safe. after we had gotten the rental car, i texted him a lot and told him that i really missed him, and asked if he wanted to make the boyfriend/girlfriend thing official. he said "hell yeah!" and that was that. during that week ,we realized how much we had fallen for each other, and when he came to see me the day after returning home, he told me for the first time that he loved me. i told him that i loved him too, and that was june 23. we had become "official" boyfriend/girlfriened on June 18th, just over a month after chris and i broke up. its been almost 3 months since then, and it feels like so much longer, in a good way. he's come over and stayed EVERY weekend, and comes to see me at least once during the week. in that short 2 and a half months, we have already figured out how much we connect and how much we are alike in being different from others. we've also decided that we want to get married when i get done with school in 2011. ^_^ he hasnt officially proposed yet, due to lack of money for a ring, but he will as soon as he can. we're designing our dream house that we're going to have built once we get settled and after we have the money. which will be about 3-4 years after we first get married. i love him VERY much, and i could go on and on about him, but im sure you dont want to know that much. if you do, my email is ABUCK1025@aol.com. you can ask more there. ^_^

Monday

well, it's monday, and it's an absolutely GORGEOUS day outside. and im stuck inside writing a paper for Intro to film and finishing my english stuff. blegh! im having so much trouble. this film paper is a pain in the butt. i can put the info in there no problem, but i have trouble doing intros and closings, and tying it together. grrrr.. as i'm writing this, its like 6:45 in the afternoon, but it looks and feels like it's 3. it's not fair that i dont get to go play. i know i sound like a kid on that one, but i like climbing trees. this sucks .i hate papers. stories i can write with no problems. not papers. whatever. other than this,i had a good day today. i wore my favorite shirt, pants, and new socks and shoes. i have new Lancome lip gloss, and i took a shower between classes today, so i had a good hair day,too. i had a popcicle, and chick-fil-a, so im content food wise. it's just this stupid term paper for film that sucks. i think i'll get some spaghetti-o's and put on a cd and try to gt done. peace.

Bubble wrap

HI!! I'm in a whimsical mood right now. i feel like being silly. you know in the movie Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium where on his last day, they go to the mattress store and jump on the mattresses saying random words and such? I'm in a mood to do that. i feel happy! i would like to go to a bed store and breakdance on a water bed. do you know how much fun that would be to do the worm on a water bed?? HOLY CRAP!! that'd be fun as hell. then, for extra kicks, i'd fill a tub at Home Depot or Lowes with water and suds and put like twelve rubber duckies in it. or act like im living at the set ups in the different furniture and home stores. For instance, i'd bring a portable tv in to a furniture store and set the living room set up to watch a football game or something. it would be funny to see the looks on the faces of the people who work there. or to go to the zoo, and as the large flow of people are going in, run out screaming "the animals are loose, run for your lives!" i know, that one is a common thought. but i like doing random stuff. For instance theres a thing on facebook that says "fun things to do at walmart: #20. Put M&Ms on Layaway." thats something i would do. just to be random and goofy. thats so me, odd and different.

Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

So, i'm watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off . i love this movie. it's at the end of the movie, where Ferris is running through everyone's yards trying to get home in time to make sure his parents dont find out. The sister is driving and fighting with the mom, which is so much like me and my mom when she's in the car with me. she hates my driving. there's this little old lady with a beehive hair-do driving in front of Ferris's dad on the road. she cant see over the steering wheel, and is driving in zigzags. she shouldnt be allowed to drive. i think that was the point of that part in the movie. but i just find this whole movie funny. i wish i could've had a Ferris day. when i was in high school, the two years that i didnt want to be at school, i wasnt able to drive. there was one time, my senior year, where my boyfriend and i skipped a day of school to just hang out and shop and chill. I wish we couldve done the kind of stuff Ferris does in the movie. it would've been more fun if we lived in New York or DC. Cordova doesnt really have a lot like that to do. but it's a lot better than where i used to live. more to do here than in Smyrna, TN, a town outside of Nashville. there's actually a mall here, whereas in Smyrna, the closest mall is a town away...it sucks. like i said, theres a lot more to do here, but not as much as say, New York or something. it would be fun to be in a parade like Ferris was. But, as this is not a major town/city that would hold such parades, i couldnt. but that that would be really fun. dont cha think??

beauty marks

OK. i used to hate tattoos with a passion, always thought they were stupid. However, now, my younger cousin and i decided to get matching ones after he turns 18 in november of 2009. i know that's two and a half years away, but we still want to. he's one of my best friends, so this is a special thing for us. it'a going to be a peace sign, in black, made of the word "peace" written over and over in a circle and written down to create the middle line, and at a slant to create the other two parts. i designed it, and when it's in a standard font, like times new Roman, it'll look a lot better. i'll show you the sketch if you ask me. but i think this will be really neat. we're both "hippies" and are both the peace loving type. that part of my personality will never change, ive been a peace supporter since i knew what it was all about. that will never change. my cousin is 16, and he and i hated each other til about 3 years ago, when we became friends playing a game of monopoly. we used to argue all the time, then, while i was waiting for my dad to pick me up from my grandparents, and my cousin had just gotten there, we decided to play monopoly. we started talking during the game, anad before you knew it, we were getting along really well. getting along for the first time since he had turned 9. he liked to pic on me and his older sister a lot. but that was cause he's a boy. that's what they do at that age. anyway...so, we got really close, and now we're best friends.. but we're going to get this tattoo after he turns 18, unless his mom would sign the waiver, and let him do it before hand, but i doubt she would.she's not the type that would do that. my grandfather doesnt like the idea that we want to get this done, and would rather us wait til he "kicks the bucket." he's 79, and in pretty good health for his age. i think we'll get them done and just hide them. mine will be easy to hide, since im planning on getting it on my ankle. we arent sure yet where my cousin should get his, since the ankle tattoos are more of a girl thing. but we're making sure that it could be hidden by clothing, so that if we need to hide them, we can. but like i said, this wont be for another year and a half, so we dont have to think about where to get them for a while. but im anxious, since i know it'll hurt like hell on me, since the ankle area has a lot of bone. but, i dont want it anywhere else, cuz i wear a lot of short sleaved shirts, and i dont want anything on my back. oh, well, i have a while to think about this...just wanted to share!!!

gaydar alert!! one of our own is in trouble!!!

this one will be kind of awkward, so bare with me. to make you understand for the most part of where im coming from, you need to be brought to the beginning, when i was 10. at that time, most kids dont know that there were people that were gay or bi, or stuff like that. hell, at 10, most kids think that those of the opposite sex "had cooties" or were "gross." well, there arent many creatures in this world that have habits that are as sickening or gross as a ten year old boy (burping or farting contests, for example), but i digress. it was at that critical age that i first figured out that i liked both boys and girls. i didnt know at the time that there was a name for it. i found this out from my stepsister (who i just consider my sister now), who was a grade ahead of me, due to her birthday. she showed me one night, after our parents had gone to bed, that the tvs in our rooms picked up a very fuzzy, but still observable, playboy channel. i was drawn to watch it at first entirely because it was something that was "naughty" (no pun intended, i assure you) and that i was not used to the content of it. well, this sparked my interest in females, as since that time, i've always viewed the female body as (for the most part) beautiful. well, fast forward a few years to my freshman year of high school.. at this time, i was welcomed by my friends to be "myself" and being "bi" was okay.

during that year, i had two girlfriends, and two boyfriends. (all at their own time, i never doubled). well, since then, ive had a few more of each, mostly boyfriends. my mom never found out til the end of my freshman year, and felt that hitting me (pretty hard i might add) and not talking about it, other than bitching at me about how it was "wrong and an abomination and wouldnt be allowed in [her] house" , not talking about it would make it go away...things were fine until my senior year of high school, when we had another blow up about it, cuz she caught me hugging a friend of mine a little too close. she views it like im some sort of monster for liking chicks, too..however, it's natural for me. i didnt choose to. she's one of those hypocritical people. she preaches at me about the bi thing, knowing that i dont believe in "God" or any type of supreme one being, for that matter, and until i turned 18, made me go to church with her. Yet, she will cuss at times, not "accept others" and other things. i've actually read the bible when i was younger. it caused her to not bitch at me at times. she's not showing tolerance to differences. she thinks that she can push her beliefs off on me, knowing my own.

ok, that little rampage on my mom wasnt my point. its part of the story, but wasnt the point. my point is that now, i think i might be *dramatic pause* pretty much straight, now...i mean, i still think women/chicks are pretty and hot, at what not, but i would never get into a relationship with one again...too much drama....i dont think i would even "mess around" with a chick again. does this mean im straight????? that scares me.. cause since high school, being bi was part of my identity. it's like a guy who thought he was straight his whole life suddenly realizes that he's gay. its scary shit!! i dont know what to do...i guess just go with it, but it confuses me. i want to know who i am entirely! now, im not 100% sure. i know that i am ME, but this ME is confused. this ME isnt really attracted to chicks any more. i want to just get over it, and all, but this was a part of who i was/(am?). I've changed a lot over the past year (you can ask Nina), and i've become kinda preppy, when i used to be one of those kids that wears the big black pants and stuff all the time. it's so weird. am i not who i thought i was?? i mean, i like being me. i wouldnt change it for the world. im just so confused. usually im the one that convinces people to come out and be who they really are, but im so confused on this right now.

shots of two kinds

so, im sitting here, still moping that the tigers lost the championship. the tigers only brought their C game today, while Kansas had brought their B game. if we had even brought our B- game, we could've beaten them. im pissed. i watched the game with some friends in the TV lounge of my dorm. i liked watching the game with them, but i was sad that we lost. i had called my ex (one of my good friends) right before the game to see if he was going to watch it. he said he wouldnt cuz it was a definate that we'd win. said that the first five minutes of the game the score would be : Kansas - 5, Memphis- 10...he was eerily accurate. at the 15:oo mark of the first half, we had 11, and kansas had 5.. so, i thought, "he's prolly right." WRONG!!!!! the last five minutes of the actual game. we slacked up tooo much and let them gain the 9 points and tie with us, which threw us into over time in which they scored 10, and we scored 5...im pissed. i would have actually bet on that game. im so glad that i didnt. you know, they should cancel classes for tomorrow, as a day of mourning. i think that if we won, classes should've been cancelled anyway, since a lot of people wouldve been drinking more.
this sucks. if this werent a dry campus, id get my friend to get me a bottle of tequila. (im not 21, or i'd get it myself). i would really like the tequilla that my boyfriend, Chris, has at his house that his dad brings back from Mexico every time they go. that's the good stuff. luckily ive never gotten any with the worm in it. lol....but that's the good tequila. a family friend of theirs makes the drinks at the parties, and Chris's brother thinks its hilarious that tequila gets me drunk and that i really like tequila. so, after i've told him "no, thanks, Alex, i dont want another drink." he has their friend make me another. and, since i dont want to waste good tequila, and it tastes good, i drink it..then the cycle begins again...but i've found that the "one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor" thing is pretty true. im rather tipsy after 3 shots of it. i dont know if i would be considered drunk, cuz i always remember what happened. but i get kinda slutty after the tequila..whatever..
so, i went from basketball to tequila..hrm.thats odd..at least my minds off the game for the most part. think i might investigate the contents of my friend's liqour hoard. peace.