bah!

heh, we're here in the computer lab, talking about the reflective evaluation. well, reading it is more like it. i realized last night, well, this morning, that i am extremely behind in my blogs. im hoping (that doesnt look like it's spelled right, but i know it is.) that just B.S.ing crap on here will get me up to my number that im supposed to be at. i hate this keyboard. im used to mine on my laptop, with buttons that are easier to press and arent as loud. i just realized that i have red pastel chalk on my jeans from the other day. i know, random, right??

beh

Holy shit! wendy, if you are reading this, im warning you now, if i turn in the sythesis paper tomorrow, it'll be nothing but shit. im terrible at papers. i do stories. i cant miss my first class tomorrow to work on it,and i know we've had plenty of time. honestly, i had no clue what to do til last tuesday. and now, im still slightly clueless. i know what the assignment is, i just have no damn clue how to go about doing it. i've read the stories, and all i can find that they have in common is that all of them come from a "broken home" in some way. my nose is killing me, ive had to wipe it and blow it so much since last night that its sore. im out of tissues, so im stuck with this damn hard toilet paper the school has. at least the stuff they put in the dorms is better than the crap they have in the buildings. my roommate/best friend is being rediculously STUPID right now. she's been talking on the phone to some 37 year-old guy that she met online (never in person, mind you) from NewYork. she's wanting to fly up there to meet him. not gonna happen. her mom and i will stop at NOTHING to keep her here. he could come down here. she tried to commit suicide on Halloween when her then boyfriend broke up with her opn their anniversary. he lived in louisianna, and she met him online too. at least she did get to meet him in person, but her other best friend, Laura, and i didnt like him from the start. he gave us the fucking creeps. anyway. this new dude has been telling her what to eat, like in that movie Secretary. Nikki thinks that she is a "submissive" which is why she really wants to go to new york. she's not, i can tell that. she says she feels better when people tell her what to do and shit, but she gets SOOOO pissed at her parents when they tell her to do something, and she gets mad at me and Laura when we tell her that she's not using her brain about all this. Submissives dont do that.Laura and i have told her MANY times that if she wanted someone to just boss her around, even sexually, we'd get a male friend of ours HERE to do so. at least then it'd be someone we trust. i tried to get her to talk to a friend of mine (who is like the male version of me), but the idget (kinda like idiot, for those of you non-southern ppl) wont message him back. i figured she'd like him, since he is so much like me. im very dominant in my life, and if thats what she wants, she'll get it. Anyways, speaking of Nikki, i think she's making me a sock monkey for Christmas. i told her earlier that my friends (and parents) think im odd for wanting a sock monkey for christmas, and not too long after that, i saw her knitting what appeared to be a white "foot" of one, and i asked her what she was making, and she said "you'll see." then she took her knitting into the laundry room of out dorm so that i couldnt see it. (she actually told me that's what she was doing, just wouldnt tell me what she was making). speaking of christmas, i was wondering what you guys would like? all i can think of that i really want right now is a sock monkey, the Pirates 3 movie, and a piano. im teaching myself piano, but the only one i ever get near now is in the library (is there a point for that? a musical instrument is supposed to be played). and, therefore, i cant play it. my ex has a piano, but im not going to his house just to play the piano, tho i know his mom would be glad to see me (she likes me a LOT more than his current g/f, she's actually told me that). ok, well, its 5 am, i have to "get up" in 2 and a half hours to get to my first class, and that paper is going to be no where NEAR done. im screwed.

more stuffies

wow. my ex who i still for some reason have feelings for and his girlfriend broke up last week, and just got back together today. she just told me about it and for some reason, my heart broke a bit again. don't get me wrong, i am head over heels in love with my boyfriend/fiance, but for some odd reason, i still have a few feelings left over for my ex. I'm not sure why. i just do. i don't know if it's cuz we never had real closure in our break up or what. but no matter how much i love my boyfriend, part of me is gonna still love my ex. (im not using names, cuz it would get confusing since they're both named Chris). i really don't want to have feelings for him. he and i are just good friends, but lately, i been thinking about him a lot and it's killing me. when I'm with my boyfriend, i don't think about my ex, just my b/f. and when I'm not with him, i think about mostly him, but sometimes, thoughts of my ex creep into my mind. like if i hear a song that reminds me of him, esp. what was "our song." now i cant even watch the movie Armageddon without thinking of my ex, cuz that was our movie, where our song came from......i dunno. i just feel like crying because of it, but i know that wont solve any problems...